In my 20s, I lived in 3 different countries, went to 3 schools I was not happy with, had 7 different jobs (including an internship), invested my love and energy on guys who demonstrated what assholes are all about. The most difficult part was that my family was the biggest source of pain.

I would describe my 20s as a turbulent period, packed with a series of unfortunate events. It was dark, depressing and bitter time and I was angry. I was angry that I am not able to change my circumstances and I could not stop events, people, friends and family members from hurting me. I felt like I did not do anything to deserve the trials that burned me out completely. I was angry at God for making the prime time of my life into such a dreadful period.

I read the stories of Joseph and especially Job in the Bible to convince myself to stay hopeful and optimistic. I wanted to believe that there are reasons behind all the hardships and heartaches I experienced and that God had a plan to end them all as if they never happened. My friend told me I have to "let go" and I even downloaded a song with an exact title (by DeWayne Woods) and listened to it obsessively. Eventually I got so very tired and weary waiting on God to bring me out of misery. I stopped going to church, stopped listening to all the online sermons and christian music.

I am turning 32 soon and I am still traumatized by things that happened during my 20s. Things actually got worse when I hit 30 (you think that things cannot get any worse and yes darling it gets worse). But because I already went through so much in my 20s and I was physically fragile, I did not have the emotional capacity left inside of me to feel depressed nor angry.

But I am still working at my 7th workplace and things have become better. I can't quite explain whether things have gotten "slowly" or "suddenly" better since then. I still am not used to the life I am living now as I never had the time and luxury to reflect on my life on this type of online posting. This year I would like to believe that God has finally allowed for my good season to start...I want this blog to be the place to keep the testimony of my new season, new happiness, and new love.

crawfish37